this is a really quick update:

I'm lovin' this apartment!!   its much more comfortable (feels safe and cozy) than the house was.  we've signed off the lease, however, unfortunately, we cannot chase our shady, cocky, moron landlord for our deposit due to the way the original lease was worded.  on a good note, we have the city of philly on his case and due to the # of violations that were in the house, i'm really hoping they take the property from him (which they have the right to do).  The people who work for the city that we've dealt with so far are wonderful people, and I'm sure they won't let this go until SOMETHING is done about it. 

Well, its late and i want to study a little more b4 i actually go to bed...so i'll ttyl!  have a good night!

<3 --Aimée--

Let me start by saying that this is just me venting...you do not have to read this entry...actually...it'd probably be good if you didnt....i just need to put my frustrations somewhere and I happen to be at my computer.  IF you read....again, not encouraging you to actually read this...i just want to feel as tho maybe someone understands where i'm coming from and understands why i feel the way i do....

Ok, so there are lots of things on my mind.  First of all...I found out about a week ago that my aunty (in England) has been in the hospital for about 2 and a half weeks.  she took an antibiotic and had a sudden reaction that made her stop breathing.  she was in a coma for a little bit, and tho now she's awake, it turns out she suffered a lot of damage to her brain when she wasn't breathing and so doesnt really recognize anyone anymore.  Last week, we didn't even know if when we woke up in the morning she would still be with us...but she is...but she's not improving.  I feel so far away from my family, more than i really am, because I can't just go over there....there's nothing i can do for her, i'm totally helpless.  The last time i saw her was YEARS ago, which just makes me feel worse because that was the last time she obviously saw me too, and I feel like she's not going to see me and know how far i've come since then...she just got engaged, and i dont think i'll every be able to see her and her husband laughing together, becoming a family...all that.  she's been taken out of the ICU and is on a regular ward now....and apparently, no matter what, they wont put her back in the ICU, which means that if she can't recover from an infection or something, nature will just "take its course"....WHICH IS RIDICULOUS!!  I can't talk about this at all in person, only really to family and one of my close friends, I just get too upset.  If anyone is still reading...please don't bring this subject up to me....I'm in tears just typing this.  I just had do something......write it down, ask everyone to please pray for her....please.....

On top of that, i'm just very stressed.  I move into school on sunday (today is Thursday) and i have yet to get all my stuff together, find a fourth roommate for the house and get my loan in the bank.  Let me start with the getting stuff together thing.  well, i was planning on renting one of those uhaul vehicles...cargo van or truck....to get all my stuff down to school, so i called multiple places to find one on sunday and so reserved it.  then i was told to cancel it cuz my dad could borrow a truck from work and we could load it up on saturday instead.  then i was told that we would be using my dad's friend's truck and that this guy would help w/ my move n' all that....fine right?  yeah, so wtf, i get home tonight and my parents ask what "the plan" is for sunday, and i tell them and then they TELL ME that that's not going to be it.....then why the hell did ya bother asking?!?!?!?!  why didnt they tell me what they could do, then ask?????   so we got in a big fight about that...which lead into a big fight about the fact that they have to cosign the new lease (we'll be in the house next door to the one we signed the lease for...legal stuff w/ the company...so we needed a new lease) when we move in.  I hadnt mentioned it cuz i have a lot of other stuff on my mind and forgot...i figured they were going to be there anyway at that time, why should it make an f-ing difference?!  apparently it does cuz my mum starts screamin at me for not telling them, then my dad jumps in so its 2 against 1.  when the yelling sorta stops they start to leave the room to go to bed and i said something like "it just pisses me off that you are making a big deal over something that seemed irrelevant at the time"....that's when my dad came storming back in the room pointing his finger saying how i'm never allowed you curse in the house under his roof...etc.etc.  when i proceed to tell him that thats not cursing and that if my mum can yell "why the hell didnt you tell us this before???" why can't i say that.  that argument went on for a while and we reached no conclusion, hence the reason this "vent" paragraph is included in this entry.  The truth is, i am very f-ing pissed off, and if i can't f-ing say that i'm f-ing pissed off, then wtf!?!?!?!  I dont actually fill in those blanks when i talk/yell/whatever, but theyre loud and clear in my head, and if my parents hadnt been so picky about that sorta language when i was younger they woulda been pouring out tonight!!  ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Another thing thats just sorta stressing me, tho its sorta giving my mind a break from other things too, is band.  There are just lots of things to do yet.  I have lots of work to write and little time to do it.  I'm pretty sure most the girls are quite frustrated, not just with the work, but with me.  really tho, its hard!!  hard to keep goin and goin and making new moves and trying to make it look right, hoping everyone will be able to do it soon.  I know it'll be good once everything's been taught and cleaned, etc....but gettin there might just push me to the brink of breaking point.  I love guard tho...i really do...and i dont want to feel so overwhelmed that I lose that enthusiasm that just comes so naturally....not everything i do works, not everything that i envision is possible, but i'm trying so hard to fix things because i'm so excited about the finished product!  I have yet to come up with another piece of equipment, get the flags in that were ordered from online, get the uniforms, shoes, leotards....etc....lots and lots....maybe once school starts things will start to get easier with the band...i hope so. 

The roomie thing.  well we had a fourth, then not, then we had a fourth, then got a five bedroom house, then lost the fourth and needed a 4th and 5th, then we went back to the four bedroom and still had no fourth, then thought we had one and didnt, then thought for sure we had one, then didnt, and now MIGHT have one...but its a guy.  The difference between having 3 or 4 people in the house is $166 per person, and thats just not gonna happen...so we're desparate for the fourth and will take any guy or girl at this point. 

My loan went thru for school....its just hasnt come back w/ my refund yet....and if it doesnt come back by tomorrow, i'm not a happy camper.  I need a lot of money by sunday for rent and food...and as of now, i dont have it, and i dont know what i'll do if i dont get it.  This, however, is the least of my worries...even tho i think it's a pretty big thing.  sigh...just not having a good few weeks. 

On top of all this, I KNEW today was going to be a bad day when i left for work, and a squirrel ran out in front of me!!  lucky sucker changed his mind after i'd slowed down and ran off the road tho.  about 100 yards down the road there was a groundhog "sleeping" on the other side of the road and i was thinking "hmm, if someone dodges him around this bend, they might end up on my side of the road...i should be careful about this bend"....well, there i am, keepin my eye out for idiot drivers and another squirrel runs out.  He was runnin right by the groundhog, changed his mind and started headin for the side of the road he just ran from, and then decides he'll go for it!  needless to say, there are now two poor animals "sleeping" on that bend.  I felt so bad....still do...poor squirrel...not my fault tho, i wasnt about to slam on my brakes around a bend to avoid an animal who had changed his mind once!

anyway...thats it....i have to go make 16 cds right now for the guard...then its bed time....then its up again to deal with another day.  things just suck right now.  and i really hate to vent like this, especially on a computer...but its just easier than talking in person and getting all emotional and tearful and sad...this is just how i deal with things...dont like it, dont read it anymore.  i dont care.

now that i've said most of what i needed to say, i'm really going to go now.  If you've read this whole thing, please disregard it the next time you see me, and just play along with me being my normal self, it makes me feel better.  I dont need to know who knows what i'm thinking and feeling, if i did i'd do this face to face with anyone who might care to listen. 

take care, please pray for my aunty janet <3

--Aimée--